Charlie Windsor

I am delighted that Obama has won, and that Americans seem to have chosen someone prepared to challenge and change the status quo. It's always delightful when our closest ally turns its back on the traditional conservative values which have caused the worldwide financial crisis and moves to the left. This is truly excellent news for Conservatives here. And of course the similarities between Obama and David Cameron couldn't be more striking: they both went to Eton, both went to Oxford, both joined the exclusive dining society the Bullingdon Club and they're both white. Oh, wait a minute ... anyway, you get the idea, they're very very similar, like two peas in a pod really.

Having said that I can't help but wonder if the orgy of press coverage - especially from the BBC (who have covered this election and it's aftermath with more detail and for longer than they did our own election in 2005) is entirely justified, or necessary, or even terribly interesting. I mean, I know they still had racial segregation in the United States less than fifty years ago, so I suppose having an African American president is quite an important occasion, but for God's sake get over it. Change the record. Put the violins away. It's just typical of a quasi-Trotskyist organisation like the BBC to focus on this sort of tittle-tattle from the other side of the Atlantic when they know the real news is that I am going to win a seat at the next election, which will be the least I deserve after all the letters I've written, the comments I've given, the photos I've posed for and the insufferable old biddies I've had to sit next to at Tory dinners. Christ, I think I deserve a bloody medal, let alone a fat MP's salary.

And let's not forget the rampant success of the Glenrothes by-election either. Regular readers will know I am very fond of analysing polls especially when there is the merest suggestion that I might be heading for Westminster. David Cameron has said he's pleased to be up from fourth place to third, and I can only echo those sentiments. Third place is definitely where we want to be at this stage in the game. In fact, many people would consider the Conservative Party to be the natural party of third place. For those who aren't very good at maths, let me de-mystify the figures and explain just how good things are looking: we got 1,381 votes out of a total of 36,195. That's a whopping 3.8% of the votes cast. Of course, you have to take into account the fact that it's cold and miserable in Scotland, so anyone with a modicum of intelligence (i.e. Tory voters) has long since left. Of course, some deluded people are talking about a Brown bounce and the possibility of a spring election. Well, bring it on I say. That will give me plenty more polls to analyse, and give George Osbourne a chance to tap a few more Ruskies for some much needed election funds.