OPENESS OVER EXPENSES - A CLARIFICATION

Goodness me, I seem to have opened up a can of worms over my drive for openess regarding the expense claims of MPs. It appears that many people have completely misunderstood the focus of my campaign for openess, so let me make my position crystal clear: I shall continue to bang on about Labour and LibDem politicians, but will completely ignore the affairs of leading Conservatives. At first glance this may seem a little unbalanced, but you must understand that it is my dearest wish to become a Tory MP, and I simply can't bite the hand that might one day feed. I don't feel I can criticise such a senior Member of Parliament such as Mr Pompous-Duffer. Or Derek Conway for that matter. Or Giles Chichester. Of course people say "But Charlie, you criticise Gordon Brown, and he's the most senior MP of all," but I point out that he's a Labour MP, and therefore doesn't count. I'm sure this will clarify my logical train of thought. The Conservative Party are the natural party of government, and as such are an honest bunch of blokes from public schools who are utterly trustworthy and beyond reproach. If they don't want to disclose their expenses that's because they don't want to waste the public's valuable free time having to read boring columns of figures which might make people jump to the wrong conclusions. No, keeping their expense details a secret is a completely selfless act, and the public should give them the credit they deserve. And anyway, why are we even discussing the expenses of Tory MPs when Brian Localbloke is running around Westphalia-on-Sea ripping out the kidneys of local constituents with a rusty penknife and selling them on the black market to fund his own crack habit? Honestly, when will you people wake up and stop voting for him?