Hello people! And a big Windsor-style welcome to you all! I expect you like the new-look blog. Well, I had to spruce it up a bit, what with the election just around the corner. You never know if old Cameron's going to be logging on and checking up on us. Of course, because it's a crucial time for us politicos I'll be coming out with lots more shite than usual. Take this for example: "The Westphalia-on-Sea area has suffered from years of decline since the Lib Dems took over the Town Hall in 1990 with visitor numbers and inward investment figures falling every year that they have been in control." That's right - I'm saying that people base their choice of holiday destination on which party has overall control of the Town Hall. How mad is that? And I can talk about things that happened in 1990 even though I wasn't here. Ha ha ha! Honestly, I am so wacky - how could you not vote for me?


If you're wondering what this counter is, it tells you how much shit the country is in since New Labour adopted all our Tory policies - capitalism, eh? Don't you just love it?


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Monday, 1 September 2008

HOORAY! I'VE WON THE ELECTION ALREADY!

Well, bad news and good news this week folks. The bad news is that I seem to have made a teensy-weensy error of judgement when I described that spoof website as 'quite funny' and said 'I must admit it has made me laugh'. I now realise this is the work of Beelzebub himself, who seems to have 'a devil put aside for me', as the old saying goes. So please, no more logging on and reading that filth - it's nothing more than pornography for the eyeballs, and if you read it too much you'll all go blind for sure, and you're just encouraging these people. And I have it on good authority that the people who write it sit about on their backsides all day, living off a combination of the profits from under-age prostitution and crack dealing, and handouts from
the Taliban. Of course, it goes without saying that these people all vote Lib Dem, and don't care a fig about things like family values or wearing a blazer. Scum, I call them, and never done
an honest day's work in their lives, I shouldn't wonder. All
they ever do is write endless blogs illustrating the glaring inadequacies of my good friends who are doing their level best
to run Westphalia-on-Sea into the ground, when the real criminals are both in Westminster with fat salaries and cushy lifestyles. Gordon Brown and Brian Localbloke, of course. Guantanamo Bay would be too good for that pair. Anyway, don't get me started.

And now to the good news. Which is actually pretty bloody spectacular news. We can finally started discussing potential jobs for Brian Localbloke after I 'whup his ass' at the next General Election. Yes, it's official, I am going to win. All the polls indicate that without a shadow of a doubt he and his party are completely crap, so the election and the MP's salary is in the bag - or my arse pocket, to be precise. Yes, while Dr Pangloss is still trying to get his casino built, my full house will beat Localbloke's two pairs, and it will be winner takes all. The pot will belong to good ol' Charlie. The best old Localbloke can hope for is a crack at Pangloss's job - well, good luck with that old man. One thing's for sure - I won't be poking my nose into Westphalian issues, oh no. You won't see me for dust. I'll be up the old M4 like a rat up a drainpipe. Be able to buy a place back in Windsor. Only forty minutes into Paddington from there - change at Slough, naturally, but I'll be in first class, away from the riff-raff, so once again, in life, I will win. The bloody blue-rinse brigade won't bother me up there, and I'll be far too busy to spend time in the constituency. God, it's hard not to be smug when you're as blessed as I am.

Game, set and match to Mr Windsor.

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